i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
