dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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