she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
