Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
