just come out here and I will go home with you...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
