On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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