I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i out mim tonsoeep
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