I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
