it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
