atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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