I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
