So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
