tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
