i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
