After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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