I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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