is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Slut skills are useful in every country.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
