No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
