She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
