So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
