I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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