I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
