Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
