I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
