Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
