Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
