Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
