i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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