Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
