its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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