Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
