Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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