i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
