I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize