I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
