I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
