I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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