sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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