That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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