Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
