Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
