The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
