I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
