If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
