this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
