Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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