come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
