How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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