I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
