dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
