can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
