Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
