guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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