Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
its not stalking. its research.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
