Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
