I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
