so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
