i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
