she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
