I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
