Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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