I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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