Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
