Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
