and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
